Let's suppose a punter goes off shopping one day. He pays a visit to the retailer of the popular surf brands, and pays $59.95 for a black t-shirt emblazoned with an imbecilic pattern and a well known brand name. He then goes to the nearby low price clothing outlet and buys a similar looking t-shirt, less the wanker's insignia , for $12. That's right! Just twelve bucks! (Sorry). Let's also suppose that on the way home he's seen ducking into a seedy establishment and emerging with a leather face mask and a length of rubber hose. It's got nothing to do with it, but let's just suppose, OK. We don't want this guy to be too dull.

We're now going to visit this chap's wardrobe a year later. We dig out his two black shirts. We take them out into a well lit area and give them both a good once over. Assuming he's worn each shirt the same number of times, how do you think they would compare?

You may be aware that the discount shirts are just as good in quality (often better) than those of the big brands, so you might be thinking the two shirts would be in similar condition. It makes sense doesn't it? It does. But it's wrong.

The $60 shirt will be in better condition, because it cost more.

Bullshit! We hear you say, but it's true. The branded shirt will be in better nick, simply because the punter forked out an extra $48 for it. What the fuck?!

To explain this we need to consider the effect that paying $60 for a shirt had on this punter's behaviour. We have to take into account that he perceived the branded shirt to be more valuable (in doing so, we've assumed he's none too bright, but hey, he did pay $60 for a t-shirt). He has simply gone to a bit of extra trouble in looking after his "expensive shirt", and that's the only reason it's in better shape today.

So we've set out a few simple rules that you can follow if you want your Unaustralian t-shirt (or any t-shirt, for that matter) to last you as long as possible. Stick to these rules and your shirt will still be looking good years from now.

• Hand wash your shirts, or wash them on the gentlest cycle your machine has.
• Use cold or slightly warm water.
• Wash t-shirts only with other t-shirts that are similar in colour.
• Avoid leaving a t-shirt in the dirty laundry basket for a prolonged period before washing.
• Use only a small amount of washing power or liquid. None at all is OK if the shirt appears to be generally clean and hasn't acquired any conspicuous odours.
• Don't use bleach, duh.
• Spot clean any stains or marks with a sponge or soft cloth. Never a brush.
• Do not let the shirt soak. Give it a quick rinse, spin dry it if you want to, and hang it out promptly.
• Don't use the tumble dryer. They use too much electricity anyway. Every time you switch on your tumble dryer, two ice-bergs melt and a tree catches fire in the Amazon.
• Do not hang your shirt in the sun. Actually, if you live in Australia, don't hang any of your washing in the sun. It ruins it. If you have a hills hoist, dig it up and chuck it out. They're useless for everthing except hosting satanic rituals and picking up SBS.
• If you are given to ironing, set the iron to cotton. Don't iron the print.
• If you must iron the print area, get over it. Check yourself in to a clinic. If you can't do that, at least turn the iron down a few notches and turn the shirt inside out.
• A good habit to get into with a t-shirt is to consider its natural state to be inside out. Do everything inside out, except wear it.
• Hang shirts in a reasonably dark place. In doing so, ensure there is enough space between garments for air to flow through the fabric.
• Finally, don't dry clean it, as if you would.

The over-riding rule though, if you want to get the maximum wear from one of our t-shirts, is to treat it as the valuable, high quality item that it is. You don't wash the car in your pin-striped Armani do you? Actually, if you own one, you're not likely to be washing you're own car, much less buying one of our t-shirts, but we think you'll get our drift.