Navy Cleared of Negligence, Guilty of Bullshitting

In an internal report into December’s Christmas Island asylum seeker tragedy, the Customs and Border Protection Council has found both itself and the Navy to be faultless. Meanwhile, the Indonesion sailors allegedly in control of the doomed vessel have been charged with the facilitation of people-smuggling.

 According to Customs, the Navy first sighted the vessel at 5.40am, at which time it was reported as “not in immediate danger”. Nevertheless, it took the Navy almost one and a half hours to reach the boat after it received reports of the crash. Apparently this was reasonable, “due to the weather.” Odd that a fishing boat seemed to be doing just fine, while the Navy had to hide around the corner.

Even more odd is that we are locking up the fishermen. Perhaps we should be giving them a job teaching our sailors how to drive a boat.

Bad Navigator Rewarded with Young Aussie Gong

Jessica Watson, the schoolgirl who famously did not sail around the world, has been named the 2011 Young Australian of the Year.

In conferring the award, The National Australia Day Council acknowledged that Miss Watson has long “dreamt of sailing solo, unassisted, non-stop around the world”. Which is true. The Council went on to claim that “at the age of 16, she made it happen”. Which is not.

To be sure, Miss Watson did sail a very long way. And indeed she did so solo, unassisted, and non-stop. It was just that pesky “around the world” part that brought her unstuck.

One of the things a young sailor needs to know, if they want to be acknowledged as a global circumnavigator, is the World Sailing Speed Record Council’s definition of a circumnavigation, which is really just a fancy statement that explains how to go around in a really big circle. It seems that if Miss Watson was aware of this definition, she seemed to think it didn’t apply to her. It did.

And no, Jessica, it’s not because you’re under 18 that the WSSRC is refusing to acknowledge your achievement. It’s because you didn’t sail around the bloody world!

As to the Young Aussie gong then: it can only be inferred that the Aussie Day Council has acknowledged Miss Watson for being the youngest person to sail solo, unassisted, non-stop, for a really long way, and for absolutely no point whatsoever.

Well done Jessica. Mind the freighter.